When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
