Screwed.edu
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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