I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
