So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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