Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
