You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
