Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
