I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
