I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
