On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You're so nebulous sometimes
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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