I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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