i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
