you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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