today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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