thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
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Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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