What a fucking waste of an outfit
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
