I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
