I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
