Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
