My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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