3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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