Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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