Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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