Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
