We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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