went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
