maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
