I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
