One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
