We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
