I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize