I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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