The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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