ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
