At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
