is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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