i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
