You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
They have beer where we have blood.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
