I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
