We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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