is your mom at the bar?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize