I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize