I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
