so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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