i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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