i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
