I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
