How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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