he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
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Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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