I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't think brook has ever known best
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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