he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
