My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
