We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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