I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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