he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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