Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
