I love black thongs
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
